22 things learned at age 22

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Image Via Design Love Fest

I read an article on an airplane the other day, Demi Lovato in Cosmopolitan. I know I know. Two strikes on the cliche scale. Ironically I tend to only read Cosmo on airplanes, where I can feel said stranger sitting next to me judging my choice of content. I can also feel them peeking at the months 50 Sexy Secrets…

Anyway. Demi is coming up on her 21st birthday, and her life hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. She says that she is looking at her 21st as a way of thinking “Holy cow. I have made it on this earth for 21 years, not everyone can say that”. I found that inspiring, and very true. So in this midst of my busy yesterday, I compiled this list – 22 things I learned at age 22.

1. Ordering a salad from Hale & Hearty that is not ‘chopped’ makes for an awkward desk lunch. There is no good way to mix those things in such a tiny plastic container.
2. Never leave the house in these shoes on days when there is even the slightest chance of precipitation. You will be squishing your way home.
3. Working commission sales is surprisingly hard.
4. If you find yourself chasing someone around the store counting off the reasons why the Need to buy a $40 iPhone 5 case that winks, you are having an off day.
5. If you sell 10 Minka’s you are having a pretty good day! Especially if they are the big guys. (Love me a minka)
6. I like photos slightly overexposed.
7. Maybe 30 of 365 NYC days you will declare “the perfect temperature”. The other 335 days you are most likely sweating, freezing, or hiding under your blazer from the rain.
8. Window air conditioning units are your best friend, until they turn on you at the end of January and let just enough air in to turn your toilet seat into an ice ring. If your morning begins with this type of ZING ! it’s best to check in to Wilfie and Nells as soon as you can. There is nothing a Hot Toddy (or 2, or 5) can’t fix.
9. The lady’s who lunch on the Upper East Side are excellent at tying scarves. You blink and their Hermes goes from a head scarf to an ascot. !  Remarkable.
10. Rosemary’s is THE place to spot celebrities AND be picked up by extremely good looking older men. They might even take you on a few tantalizingly perfect dates, and text you for a week from a boat in Anguila. Then shortly after you start day dreaming about days spent together strolling around the Hamptons with him and his dog, they might say ‘au revoir’ and head to The Planet. But it’s okay. You can always head back to Rosemary’s for some Sauvignon Blanc and a celery root ceasare to wait for the next one. Or maybe you will bump into them at Boom Boom Room.
11. Navigating through SoHo on weekends is a full contact sport.
12. Dosas are fantastic.
13. Be sure to give AT LEAST TWO close friends an extra set of your keys. Taping a spare behind that weird photo in the stairwell won’t hurt either. You will need them the next time you lock yourself out doing laundry.
14. If you are getting the vibe that an old man is hitting on you, despite the obvious age difference and silver ring protruding from his left hand, he most likely is.  Don’t freak, play it cool. And then head to The Planet.
15. You never know when a Tuesday happy hour has the potential to turn into a 3AM karaoke session on the UES. If it does, go with it. And always say yes to dancing with the cowboy.
16. Promoters don’t forget faces. If you think you are discretely passing them by yogging across the street with your pizza instead of casually walking by, you aren’t. And they will call you out on it because they somehow tricked you into giving them your number that one time you spoke.. (BAH)
17. It is OK to stare at girls holding Celine bags and think to yourself ‘What would I have to do to get one of those.’ Hopefully it is nothing that involves man in point #14.
18. Just when you think you really have it, the city will find a way to put you back into your place. Hopefully not enough to make you leave, but enough to make you stop and remember – ‘Ugh that’s right. I’m not the queen of everything.’ It’s rough, but I promise in the long run it’s for the better.
19. Go to the end of the bar at The Village Tavern, strike up friendly conversation with one of the bartenders, and ask politely. They will give you a bowl of goldfish about 95% of the time.
20. Moms still rank #1 greatest people on earth.
21. If you feed a sting ray without holding your hand completely flat, your finger will go completely into its mouth and be munched on. Not to worry, turns out they don’t have teeth. !
22. I have the ability to move to a new place without knowing what exactly distinguishes East from West, and make it work.

This all said.

22 was a pretty insane, amazing, up and down, busy, monumental, exhausting, adventurous, exciting, excelling, impossible, odd, enjoyable

memorable year.

Looking forward to year #23

- The Narrator

3 responses to “22 things learned at age 22

  1. omg this is so good. I LOVE all the tags. You need to send it to Steph at Cosmo radio!!!

  2. this is absolutely hi-larious. as a girl who is 5 days away from twenty-two and is 21 days away from turning NYC into her permanent residence, this will all be extremely relevant & useful information I’m sure.

    also, wilfie & nell sounds amazing. ‘preciate the tip.

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